I WAS NOT BROKEN, AND I AM NOT FIXED

“I was not broken, and I am not fixed.”
This theme comes up again and again in my Eat When Hungry series where Dr. Doug Lisle and I discuss my weight loss story in great depth, exploring what it takes to make a successful lifestyle change to lose half my weight. This clip is from Episode 10, where we discuss Rising, Falling, Struggling for Balance as part of the Journey into the Weight of Weight.

“I was not broken when I was morbidly obese, and I am not fixed living at a healthy weight.”
My transformation isn’t just physical. It’s about learning, unlearning, and rising in the face of shadows. My story is still unfolding—and it’s built on strength, not shame.

For years, I carried the emotional weight of weight.

I can tell you what I weighed—or thought I weighed—at nearly every major event in my life. Even during joyful moments, the number was always in the background, always whispering. Especially when I weighed twice what I do now.

And for most of that time, I believed what society told me:
That my weight was a reflection of my willpower.
That being heavy meant I was broken.
That losing weight meant I would be fixed.

None of that turned out to be true.

My weight was never about weakness. It was never about character. It was always about biology, genetics, and the modern food environment—especially the overwhelming presence of ultraprocessed, hyper-palatable foods that hijack our hunger drive.

Once I stopped trying to find magic answers—and stopped expecting magic of myself—I started to see the truth:
I wasn't broken.
And I wouldn’t ever be "fixed."

Instead, I began to build a different kind of path forward—one grounded in reflection, awareness, and action. I began to understand what actually worked for me. I built systems around my life, and I worked them. And I continue to.

Because this isn’t about a single victory. It’s about sustainability.
The shadows are still there. So is the path back to morbid obesity.
But so is my strength.
And I choose to rise.

In my video series Eat When Hungry, I share this journey—not as a blueprint for anyone else, but as a way to name what’s true and offer insight for those navigating their own path.

I share my story on YouTube and Instagram, and you can find my free Eat When Hungry course here.

I would love to have you share the journey with me. Even more importantly, I hope you’ll remember this:

You are not broken.
You don’t have to be fixed.
You can rise, too.

✨ Still rising.

My Transform Shadows Framework

This is the framework that I use to explain my ongoing mental processes to build successes and handle failures in my health journey and my broader life.

Naming my shadows honestly lives at the foundation of making any change. I have to start from a position of honesty in order to change myself. Being honest about binge eating was particularly challenging for me. Once I accepted that as my reality, I could face it.

Facing my shadows moves me from speaking my truths honestly to acting on these truths. For me, there is a distinct difference between naming and acting — largely because I lived for so long knowing what I should do and not doing anything.

Understanding my shadows allows me to act for success. Misinformation about health, wellness, and weight loss permeate society. A big part of my journey includes the process of uprooting misinformation. Understandings that I can feel from inside of me help the most.

Fighting my shadows centers the ongoing battles of working against my instincts and the constant pressures for unhealthy living from the world around me. Some days, the fight runs deep in what feels like a losing battle. Giving up was my action of choice for way too long. The verb nerd in me now centers action verbs – actions that have positive results.

Reframing my shadows redefines how I understand and perceive ideas, actions, and myself. I have learned to love foods I used to hate. I understand hunger and eating when hungry differently in myself. Learning to see myself, foods, and concepts in new ways has empowered me.

Transcending my shadows describes the state of living where all the changes seem effortless, normal, and natural. In this phase, I wonder how I could ever struggle. Perhaps most importantly, I feel a sensuality of wellness that permeates all aspects of my life. And, I always want to come back when I leave this wonderful place.