She Showed up at the Gym
Face Shadows to Transform Shadows
Going to the gym after losing 100 pounds was an important step for me – especially since I still had significant weight left to lose.
Things were just opening up after Covid, and everything felt vulnerable. I felt raw and vulnerable.
Taking yet another first step was hard, perhaps harder because going to the gym is such a public action. I have never been athletic, and I had certainly never worked with a trainer.
Eat When Hungry: Journey into a Rat’s Paradise
Understanding Binge Eating through Templeton's "Veritable Smorgasbord"
The fourth episode of Eat When Hungry uses the beloved rat Templeton from Charlotte’s Web as a springboard into a deeper understanding of the human hunger drive. Dr. Doug Lisle and my conversation begins with what we can learn from rats and science.
The discussion moves into personal stories and breaking down assumptions that permeate mainstream thinking about weight and binge eating. An important theme emerges toward the end: Subtlety matters, and it is rarely discussed.
Eat When Hungry: Journey Down the Up Staircase, Episode 3
Transforming My Shadows: Overriding the Pleasure Trap
Journey Down the Up Staircase focuses on the override: the override of eating addictive foods, the override of failure cycles, the ongoing override of myself to maintain a lifestyle of greater health and wellness that, for me, involved losing more than half my weight.
Most certainly, this is a weighty episode. Dr. Doug Lisle and I speak of the extraordinary struggles and the extraordinary positives that come out of succeeding to find greater health and wellness in overriding The Pleasure Trap, which is the book that he and Dr. Alan Goldhamer wrote about the modern food environment.
Name My Shadows: My First Step into Success
Name My Shadows: An Important Foundation for Success
One of the most important steps I took toward better health was taking a few weeks to observe the patterns around food, healthy eating, success, and failure in myself.
These were the truths that I observed in myself again and again. My repeated failures during that time made clear patterns I had to address in myself.
I took this planning time in November and December with the knowledge that these were my hardest months for success because of the holiday season.
Halloween: Haunted by the Shadows of Myself
I Was Not Broken, and I Am Not Fixed.
This message is important for me to remember today, a day when my former size feels palpable and when addictive foods beckon me with their wicked wiles.
Halloween has haunted me as far back as I can remember. Halloween highlights all my shadows of struggling with food addiction. And, there are many shadows in my story.
Winter Is Coming …
Fire and Ice: Contrasting Forces in Seasons of Change
Winter is getting more insistent. The birdbath in the background has ice on it, and snow decorated my car this morning. I got out my heavy winter coat.
Seasons are changing but the lifestyle changes I have put in place are not. Today's haul: kale, peppers, kohlrabi, beets, cabbage, broccoli, rutabaga, and pumpkins.
Choosing My Language Carefully: Uprooting Social Stigma
Language Matters: Choosing How to Speak about My Hunger Drive
My story centers around drilling into a deep understanding of my hunger drive, so I could lose more than half my weight – a number well into triple digits.
I frequently talk about my hunger drive and the way hunger works in me. I have deliberately chosen these to help me speak as I break my silence about transforming my shadows around weight.
Sharing My Story: Embrace The Teachings of My Hunger Drive
My social media arm has been working late with Transform Shadows to encourage you to register for the Thrive Against All Odds Summit. The whole Transform Shadows team encourages you to register. (Just to be clear, that means me, myself, and I lol.)
My story will air on October 25. I previewed my interview last night, and it truly was an honor to interview with Tim Kaufman. He and Heather Barlow Kaufman are doing great educational work. The conversation I had with Tim is authentic and real around making and sustaining significant lifestyle changes.
This is my first step into this world of online interviews for other people, and I have learned a lot in the process. My health, wellness, and weight loss journey has taught me a lot my own strengths and fallibility, and this new experience adds to that learning.
Epic Struggles, Everyday Actions: Wanting Do-Overs in Life
Do-Overs in Life: Living with Myself
To see this “promotional square” humbles me. I have no organization, no mailing list, no sponsors, no group, no affiliation, no social media arm to promote this Summit. I most certainly feel out of my league. I am a small-scale, one-woman endeavor motivated by a vision and commitment to sharing information that helped me find a better way of living.
Like so many things in life, I wish I could have a do-over for this interview. It was a sweltering hot, humid day in August, and I was literally in the middle of a decision-making process with others that was stressful (and that resolved positively shortly after the interview).
Choose Health: Fail for Success Series, 1
SHADOW BOXING
Fighting Myself for Myself: Failing Within Boundaries
I am in the middle of several back-to-back travel experiences that make it difficult to keep a health routine. And, I am in the busy season in a new job that I am still learning. This is a recipe for failing grandly.
I have a history of failing grandly in times like this. The details were different, but the feeling was the same. To stay successful, I have had to let some things go and keep my eye on the big things for long-term success. And, I have fallen off my usual game – within boundaries of short-term failures that make long-term successes possible.
I Wanted to Change the Trajectory of My Life
Finding My Golden Center
People often ask why I made the decision to lose weight. At the golden center of it was my health and wellness. For years, I knew what I should be doing, but I didn’t know how to do it and sustain it. Because this is such a hard process, people need to find a why, a golden center for making the change.
My golden center comes into focus most profoundly between 10:00 pm and 6:00 am, when I no longer live in fear about what my choices were doing to me, when I feel freedom from a lifelong conflict around food. I knew nutrition and health facts as well as anyone, if not better than most. But, I could not find a way to act on what I knew.
Eat When Hungry: My Journey into Shadows, Episode 2
Mindset is everything and nothing.
Mindset and the mental processes around my personal changes are shadows of my transformation.
Mindset plays a starring role in every change I have made. Yet, mindset alone would never be enough to succeed in losing half my weight.
Foreshadows of My Shadows: I Felt “Fat” First
My Hunger Drive and Childhood: Feeling the Force of Addictive Foods
Weight has been a lifelong struggle for me, starting in my childhood. Third grade is my first memory of obesity — even if obesity was not yet part of my reality. This was the year that foreshadowed my future struggle with weight.
Because of the way food in the standard American diet makes me feel, I felt obese before I was obese.
In childhood, this feeling was closely connected with eating potato chips, candy, and pizza without being unable to stop. In truth, I could list hundreds of foods that have caused me problems.
Healthy Eating Royalty: Purple Cabbage
Purple Cabbage: A Quiet and Underrated Leader
In the plant-based world, leafy greens get a lot of attention for their health benefits. Most certainly, I have heard that message over the past few years. I eat leafy greens daily.
Mentally, I aways include purple cabbage as part of the leafy green family, even though neither “leafy” or “green” applies to purple cabbage. But, cabbage is used in similar ways as leafy greens, and purple cabbage embodies quiet strength in this world from a health perspective.
Self-Talk and Strategies for Work-Life Balance
Lose a Few Battles to Win the War: Navigating Life’s Busy times
Life gets crazy, and there are times when the battle to maintain a work-life balance feels impossible around my overall goal: Eat When Hungry.
For most of my life, I have thrown in the towel during times of work-life business. To be clear, I ate too many unhealthy foods in too high of quantities.
I Was Not Broken and I Am Not Fixed: The Food Is the Problem
Moderation Was Never Going to Work: Processed Foods Are the Problem
In mainstream society, there are many misconceptions around weight, weight loss, obesity, and morbid obesity. One of the central misconceptions is that obesity is caused by personal shortcomings.
Understanding the role of processed foods in my weight has helped me see myself and my weight differently. Years and years of failing at moderation taught me that moderation was never going to be the answer.
Rebalance with Ready-to-Eat Foods after a Long Weekend
Rebalance with Ready-to-Eat Greens and Fruits
Despite my best intentions, my meals got sloppy over the long weekend. My balance of the foods got off, and I had too much fruit and too many higher calorie density foods, such as nuts.
This is a normal part of getting off balance for me. Today, I am readjusting. When I went to the store, I prioritized fresh greens and fresh fruits that are ready to eat, so I can find a sense of balance again.
Living Under Seige: Winning the Battle
Living Under Siege: Face Failure
The battle to center my own health and wellness has been a lifelong one. For years, I failed against the pull of rich, unhealthy foods. No matter how much I wanted to live a healthy life, I was living under siege and could not find a way out of this battle.
Facing failure has meant acknowledging how deeply these foods impact me. I had to reject society's messages of moderation around these foods and had to leave them behind altogether.
Change: Just Start Someplace
I have lost half my weight and have maintained that weight loss for several years. While I now eat a fully plant-based diet, I ate some animal products for a while when I was first starting out, and I was comfortable doing so.
Entering the plant-based world does not need to be an all-or-nothing decision — especially if it is going to keep you from making healthy changes in your life.
Dates for a Sweeter Life: Living Without Processed Sugar
My Dates with Dates: An Overview
Dates are one of the ways I live a sweeter life without processed sugar.
These are medjool dates, and they are my favorite. I have dates almost every day. Dates are calorie dense, so I have to be careful how many I have in a day.
I often add dates to my smoothies and blended salads. Dates add a delicious sweetness, enough so I can get more vegetables into my mix, especially leafy greens.
I have also discovered that I love dates as part of my soups. I often blend a few dates with a few nuts to add as a paste into my tomato-based soups to help add flavor.