Foreshadows of My Shadows: I Felt “Fat” First
My Hunger Drive and Childhood: Feeling the Force of Addictive Foods
Weight has been a lifelong struggle for me, starting in my childhood. Third grade is my first memory of obesity — even if obesity was not yet part of my reality. This was the year that foreshadowed my future struggle with weight.
Because of the way food in the standard American diet makes me feel, I felt obese before I was obese.
In childhood, this feeling was closely connected with eating potato chips, candy, and pizza without being unable to stop. In truth, I could list hundreds of foods that have caused me problems.
Healthy Eating Royalty: Purple Cabbage
Purple Cabbage: A Quiet and Underrated Leader
In the plant-based world, leafy greens get a lot of attention for their health benefits. Most certainly, I have heard that message over the past few years. I eat leafy greens daily.
Mentally, I aways include purple cabbage as part of the leafy green family, even though neither “leafy” or “green” applies to purple cabbage. But, cabbage is used in similar ways as leafy greens, and purple cabbage embodies quiet strength in this world from a health perspective.
Self-Talk and Strategies for Work-Life Balance
Lose a Few Battles to Win the War: Navigating Life’s Busy times
Life gets crazy, and there are times when the battle to maintain a work-life balance feels impossible around my overall goal: Eat When Hungry.
For most of my life, I have thrown in the towel during times of work-life business. To be clear, I ate too many unhealthy foods in too high of quantities.
I Was Not Broken and I Am Not Fixed: The Food Is the Problem
Moderation Was Never Going to Work: Processed Foods Are the Problem
In mainstream society, there are many misconceptions around weight, weight loss, obesity, and morbid obesity. One of the central misconceptions is that obesity is caused by personal shortcomings.
Understanding the role of processed foods in my weight has helped me see myself and my weight differently. Years and years of failing at moderation taught me that moderation was never going to be the answer.
Rebalance with Ready-to-Eat Foods after a Long Weekend
Rebalance with Ready-to-Eat Greens and Fruits
Despite my best intentions, my meals got sloppy over the long weekend. My balance of the foods got off, and I had too much fruit and too many higher calorie density foods, such as nuts.
This is a normal part of getting off balance for me. Today, I am readjusting. When I went to the store, I prioritized fresh greens and fresh fruits that are ready to eat, so I can find a sense of balance again.
Living Under Seige: Winning the Battle
Living Under Siege: Face Failure
The battle to center my own health and wellness has been a lifelong one. For years, I failed against the pull of rich, unhealthy foods. No matter how much I wanted to live a healthy life, I was living under siege and could not find a way out of this battle.
Facing failure has meant acknowledging how deeply these foods impact me. I had to reject society's messages of moderation around these foods and had to leave them behind altogether.
Change: Just Start Someplace
I have lost half my weight and have maintained that weight loss for several years. While I now eat a fully plant-based diet, I ate some animal products for a while when I was first starting out, and I was comfortable doing so.
Entering the plant-based world does not need to be an all-or-nothing decision — especially if it is going to keep you from making healthy changes in your life.
Dates for a Sweeter Life: Living Without Processed Sugar
My Dates with Dates: An Overview
Dates are one of the ways I live a sweeter life without processed sugar.
These are medjool dates, and they are my favorite. I have dates almost every day. Dates are calorie dense, so I have to be careful how many I have in a day.
I often add dates to my smoothies and blended salads. Dates add a delicious sweetness, enough so I can get more vegetables into my mix, especially leafy greens.
I have also discovered that I love dates as part of my soups. I often blend a few dates with a few nuts to add as a paste into my tomato-based soups to help add flavor.
Defy My Own expectations: Travel Edition
Choosing Health When Traveling
Making healthy choices when I travel has always been difficult. I have failed so many times that I still expect to fail. So, this trip is about defying my own expectations.
This week, I travel for work. I have distinct struggles before, during, and after a trip. I was doing okay until I heard I was going to be traveling into Hurricane Hilary.
I am not sure what about Hurricane Hilary prompted me to run for the cashews and bananas, but she did! And, so I failed. But, I failed according to plan.
Eat When Hungry: An Overview of My Transform Shadows Framework
My Framework for Personal Change
This is an overview of my Transform Shadows Framework. The top part helps me tell my story about the mental actions that I use to be successful in losing weight and maintaining weight loss.
These mental actions may help you guide change within yourself. I use these for my self-talk in many ways. Try them and see if they work for you:
NAME Your Shadows
FACE Your Shadows
UNDERSTAND Your Shadows
FIGHT Your Shadows
REFRAME Your Shadows
TRANSCEND Your Shadows
I wish I transcended my shadows all the time, but my life does not work that way. When things are easy and effortless in my lifestyle, those moments of transcendence are glorious.
Eat When Hungry: My Launch of a Signature Series with Dr. Doug Lisle
Eat When Hungry: My Journey Through a Complex Labyrinth
Three years ago, I started working in earnest on creating educational resources that felt like what I was experiencing in my personal transformation of losing half my weight. Transform Shadows is the result of that work, and it continues to evolve. Today marks another step.
My goal has been to create a bank of free educational resources. The 3:00 am resources. The resources that you seek when you look for a different way of living, a healthier way of living, a way of living that you know is best for you. A way of living built on truth, not gimmicks. I know how this works. I lived this life. For years.
Today, my bank of resources broadens with the launch of my first video interview. A very special guest, Dr. Doug Lisle, joins me for this signature series titled Eat When Hungry: My Epic Journey Through a Complex Labyrinth. Dr. Lisle is a well-known expert in the plant-based world, and his work has helped me in my own journey.
Flipping the script for an interview like this, Dr. Lisle actually interviews me about my journey to lose half my weight and transform my shadows.
The Weight of Weight: A Journey of Epic Proportions
Many times, people think my health, wellness, and weight loss journey has been a one-and-done action. That is far from the case because this is a complex journey.
While I have lost half my weight and kept it off for more than three years, the process of maintenance is an ongoing journey, full of mental and physical actions that look and feel similar to the ones I used when losing weight.
Of course, I am thrilled to have lost half my weight. When I eat right, I have emerged from physical and psychological heaviness, which is the weight of weight.
The weight of weight is one of the most important reasons I decided to lose weight. My physical health weighed heavily on my mind, not just on my body.
I knew I was not acting in my own best interests. I knew that there were too many contradictions between healthy foods and the foods I was eating.
The unhealthy choices were having profound ramifications on my mind and my body. I wanted freedom from the mental and physical traps of my weight.
My Vacation Break-Up with Mangoes and Pecans
Inviting Failure Foods into My Life
As I said in my Facebook and Instagram post, dried mangoes and pecans caused too much drama this week. I need to cut these ties for awhile.
To be fair, this drama is caused by my own design. Of course, I have a success plan. But, an important part of my success plan is that I also have a failure plan.
Part of how I succeed is that I always have failure foods at home. These are my off-ramp foods—foods good enough to go off-track with but mild enough to make getting back on-track possible.
Keeping failure foods on-hand is counter-intuitive and may go against the advice of experts. But, this journey is an individual one, and this is my journey.
I live in a house full of food triggers that I no longer eat. And, if I did eat them, I would have skyrocketing failure — a degree of failure with which I have a lifetime of experiences. This is a way of life I no longer want.
My failure foods have kept me in check so far. Without salt, oil, and sugar in my life, I live an all-or-nothing life.
Failure foods help me avoid the all-or-nothing mindset that comes with this all-or-nothing life. This is important for my success.
The Equation of My Soup — Packing it with Plant-based Power
I recently wrote a short post for Instagram / Facebook where I referenced making a large pot of soup to freeze into individual containers. And, in this post, I mentioned that I had used more than 25 different kinds of plants in it, and I was asked for the recipe.
I do not follow recipes. There are benefits and drawbacks to my approach. But, recipes cause me stress, and adapting what I have on hand suits me. Instead, I use concepts to guide my cooking. And, I have gotten better at using the concepts over time. So, what I will focus on here is detailing the concepts.
Overall, I find plant-based cooking to be a forgiving form of cooking. And, keep in mind that I am several years into this lifestyle. So, if you are just getting going, you may want to consider taking a concept and experimenting with it in small steps rather than trying to do too much at once.
A significant part of my journey has been a deep dive into understanding my hunger drive and how I feel my best. Eating a soup like this is not something I would have done early into my transition – for a variety of reasons.
But, seeing what others do has helped me find my way, and seeing what I do may help you find your way as well.
Big Rocks and LIttle Rocks: Navigating Terrain Shifts
Since I last wrote, a lot has changed in my life – as I anticipated it would. The changes are good, and I am grateful for that.
I have now started my new job, which has come with a lot of apprehensive excitement. A steep learning curve usurped my capacities for routine and for writing.
But, I am finding my way back, learning how to live my new life, facing myself over and over again in a whole new world.
I am starting to sleep just a little better as I am adjusting to everything. Sleep helps everything.
I am now pausing, taking stock in what it means to navigate my health and wellness through a major turning point in my life.
Keeping My Footing in the Seas of Change
The more things change, the more things stay the same.
I am in the midst of change right now. A lot of it.
Since I last blogged, I retired from one career, traveled several places, and am on the edge of starting a new career. All of this is good.
Changes, even good ones, can be unsettling and upset the balance in my routines, in my life. These changes turned my foundation into a slippery slope – more than I expected.
To keep my footing, I have had to catch my balance several times in the past weeks. Catching my balance always means failure in some way.
I enjoy the beach much more at half my size. I feel younger, better, and more energetic than I ever have in my life, even though my age now gets me some senior discounts.
And, I have failed. More I than planned, and more than I would like to admit. Failure works that way.
But, failures are a natural part of the self-improvement process, the ongoing process of being me, of facing myself, of understanding the shadows that shape my life.
Eat When Hungry: Discovering My Golden Circle
Discovering My Trigger Foods, Part II
A couple years into my weight loss, all looked well from the outside. I had lost half my weight; I stabilized at a healthy weight; and I radiated improved wellness.
On paper, my numbers looked comfortable, controlled, and predictable. The patterns looked like successful maintenance.
I had even started to get a few comments about my success in maintaining my weight loss. These unsettled me. I felt like a fraud.
Inwardly, I was flailing on the razor’s edge, about to tumble off into a chasm all too eager to devour me back into the 97% failure rate.
I knew this space intimately. Looming failure always won. I clung to the sharp edge of success, barely making it day-by-day. I was missing something, but I did not know what.
Then, I came into a direct standoff with what I did not yet understand: Eat When Hungry.
Transforming My Shadows: My Framework for Making and Sustaining Personal Changes
Personal changes are hard to make – especially the changes that run counter to our human tendencies. Making these changes and sustaining them in my life are challenging processes.
When I decided to embark on a serious journey to improve my overall health, I knew I faced a 97% failure and 3% success rate for sustaining long-term weight loss.
I wanted to understand the roots of my failures. I wanted to learn from these failures in ways that led to the long-term successes that had eluded me all my life.
I am still learning to try to maintain long-term success. Doing that means understanding the blurry line between failures and successes where one is always part of the other.
Satiation: Discovering a New Sensuality
Satiation. I love this word and have only recently started to understand its meaning around my hunger drive.
Satiation is the pinnacle of what it means to fulfill the hunger drive, to eat when hungry. Satiation is the linchpin of my long-term success.
Discovering satiation was a confusing, complex process. I had lost half my weight and had maintained that weight loss for more than a year.
Yet, I was flailing and careening all over a razor blade even though the numbers on the scale held steady.
I was desperately trying not to fall into the abysses where one of my shadow selves ruled — either through the excesses of food addiction and binge eating, or the deprivations of anorexic restriction.
I had no idea how to maintain my success.
Meet My Hunger Drive: A Fact of My Life, Not a Self-Made Stigma
Since I first shared my story a few weeks ago, I have received a lot of comments about the stigma around food addiction and disordered eating patterns.
This stigma runs deep, and I am learning how people of all sizes, shapes, and genetics feel that stigma in different ways.
Even though I have lost half my weight, I spent most of my life experiencing this stigma silently in an isolated state of obesity or morbid obesity.
I never envisioned breaking my silence to speak about my food addiction – especially as publicly as I am doing now. But, life is full of surprises, and here I am.
I am speaking out because my self-understanding has profoundly shifted.